Pop T*rts Refrain

So, apparently, I’m the only one who feels the way I do about Pop T*rts.  So be it; but I don’t have to eat them. Now, let’s talk for a moment about Toaster Strudels and Toaster Scrambles. (Do they still make Toaster Scrambles? Comment if they do…then I’ll go shopping.) Toaster Strudels are what Pop T*rts wish they could be when they grow up. You can not get away without toasting these little dreamboats. Careful! The insides are quite hot! Use their freshly toasted steaminess to advantage by drizzling the little packet of frosting over the top. Personally, I cannot get the packet to tear without ripping the whole side off, and then the frosting comes out in an unappetizing lump that I have to spread with a butter knife.  But so delicious! So dreamy! If Matthew McConaughey was edible, he would taste like a Toaster Strudel. Blueberry, Strawberry, Mixed Berry, et cetera. Yes, they are quite yummy.

That being said, Toaster Scrambles (Harrison Ford in The Fugitive) are by far my favorite instant breakfast. Or at least, they used to be. Especially when I was newly pregnant with E. That should have been my first clue. I ate an entire box of Toaster Scrambles in a couple of days, and decided I COULD NOT LIVE another day without having more. It was worth going out in snowy weather with five-year old Dale and two-year old Bob. Then I ate that entire box too. Toaster Scrambles are the polar opposite of Toaster Strudel. Where the Strudel is sweet, the Scramble is salty. Where the Strudel has gooey frosting, the Scramble has a dry crust. Pockets of melted cheese compliment the scrambled eggs and pieces of actual bacon in the Scramble. Delightful! Chock full of cholesterol, MSG, preservatives, trans fats etc. Be still my beating plaque.

So, you take your half-eaten Pop T*rts, your toasted Pop T*rts, your easy-to-tote snack. (Gag.) I will pass and dream about my Toaster Scrambles.

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