Open Letter to the Punks Who Egged Our Cars

Dear Punks,

You know who you are. I just wanted you to get a little more info on the family whose cars you vandalized. We’re average. Maybe a few more kids than most families, but very average. Older house that needs a paint job, lots of toys in the yard, (I wish you had tripped on them.) Your parents probably drive nicer cars than we do. The oldest kid in the family stays up ’til 10:30pm every night trying to get his math homework right. He gets up at 5:30am to attend an extra class that will build character.  The youngest kid in our family is not yet two. He dances like a crazy man, and has kissable squeezable cheeks. He also gets up in the middle of the night almost every night, so the mom in the family, that’s me, is pretty tired every day. The next oldest kids, 12 and 9, are good kids who have extra responsibilities heaped on them every day because they have to help take care of the baby and the 7 year old daughter. The 7 year old daughter has Autism Spectrum Disorder. She gets bugged pretty easily. If there is a hole in the wall, she won’t enter the room. She only likes certain music, because a particular drum beat sends her into hysterics. Everything has to be just right in order for her to get to sleep at night. Thought you might like to know that Monday the 15th, the day we woke up to find egg yolks on both our cars, was our Autistic daughter’s birthday. Any ideas how we might explain to her why you kids did what you did? Anyway, in addition to that, we found out on the same day you egged us that one of our cars needed over four hundred dollars of repair work done. I’m not trying to get sympathy from you or the other people in my life. I just wanted you to realize that the next time you start to launch an egg, you might want to consider that there is a family of stories behind that car, that house, that yard. There. I gave you the scolding your parents should have. Now I want to give you an invitation. You may come to my house anytime, and I will give you lemonade and sugar cookies. My boys will play basketball or XBox with you. My daughters will admire your hair cut or your cologne. (My autistic daughter is very sensitive to smell.) This is the kind of family we are. But when you come, please bring buckets and sponges. I’m leaving the egg on just for you. If you don’t come, it will be a testament to the kids who thought it was funny to vandalize someone’s house without knowing how far-reaching the consequences would be. And if you come to wash it off, I will smile at you and forgive you to your face. As it is, I forgive you right now. That is all.

3 thoughts on “Open Letter to the Punks Who Egged Our Cars

  1. what?? the audacity??? when did this happen? you didnt get a chance to mention this on the phone? Has Lucy confessed yet? bwaahahahahahaaaaa

  2. -read your “Dear Punks”. I like your style. Can I interest you in helping me scold the Republican Party leadership that occasionally . . .OK . . . constantly . . . gets my goat? -vern

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