Hail to the Chef

I totally have a crush on Alton Brown.

I mean, I don’t want to kiss him or anything, but I would love to sit down at the dinner table with him and listen to him expound on why the green beans taste so good steamed. So anyway, DH and I watched the episode “Steak Your Claim” after which I made DH stop by the store on his way home from work a few days later and pick up some steaks. An expensive meal, 18 dollars to feed seven. But, if you divide it by plate, it’s only like, three dollars a plate.

DH and I love steak, but it’s always a hit and miss event. Until Alton Brown walked us through it.

We actually bought a cast iron skillet in preparation for the meal. This is what you do.  Season your steaks with a little canola oil (it has a high smoke point) and kosher salt and pepper. The kosher salt is jagged and sticks to itself and the meat, making for a nice texture. Your skillet has been heating up in the 500 degree oven. You transfer the skillet to your burner, put it on high heat, and sear your steaks about thirty seconds on each side, without fussing with them. Then you put the skillet and steaks into the 500 degree oven and leave in for four minutes, if your steak is about an inch thick.

We couldn’t believe how perfectly cooked they were! I love medium rare, and that is exactly what I got. The steaks were juicy, hot, flavorful…sigh. Thank you, Alton.

Kielbasa and Lentils

My family likes to tease me about certain meals that I make. I happen to love lentils. The first time I had them, I made them for my husband and oldest child when he was one. I got the recipe out of a cookbook that was constructed much like a coloring book, paperback with newsprint pages. But it was a gift to me, and darn if I didn’t use those recipes all the time. Anyway, I haven’t had lentils in years, and I found a bag in my pantry last week. And I had my new cookbook, Menus for  Whole Year of Dinners, AND I had Kielbasa in the fridge. Sometimes, the planets align and a meal is meant to be. So, I made my Kielbasa and Lentils, had plenty of carrots in it, some onion, some spices, some major deliciousness and I was sucking this soup down. Then my family starts in. “Where did you get the lentils, mom?” Before I could answer, DH says, “Lentils R Us.” It just spiraled out of control from there. “Lentils ‘N’ Things”. “Lentil Barrel”. “Old Country Lentils”. “Best Lentils”. “Lentil City”. “Hobby Lentils”. Do you see what I have to put up with? So we’re out of lentils. I’m going to Lentil-Mart and buy me some more lentils.

My 70s Flashback

I mooched a book from “Bookmooch”. You should really check it out, if you like books at all. But anyway, the title caught my eye. Menus for a Whole Year of Dinners. I just knew this book was going to solve all of my cooking dilemmas. Anyway, I was delighted when it came in the mail. It smells of libraries or musty old lady living rooms. It smells wonderful. The pictures are godawful though. Grainy, aged, not really very appetizing. But the names of the meals are hysterical. You may remember my post about naming your food. This book is ALL ABOUT naming the meals. Tomato aspic, toast points, Fruited Lamb Riblets, Macaroni-Meat Bake. Oh My Goodness. This book is a flashback to when Jello was, like, newly invented. And Avocados were TRENDY. So I’ve had a lot of fun with this. Last week some of our dinners were: Country Dinner, Gourmet Franks and Kielbasa and Lentils. These meals crack me up. The Country Dinner consisted of cabbage wedges, instant mashed potatoes and Vienna Sausages. Yes, Vienna Sausages. Here is a line from the recipe: “Stick sausages into potatoes.” Guffaw. That was fun.

I had to give my family a break though, because really, you can only eat so much processed meat. The gourmet franks? It was hot dogs simmered in onions and mushrooms and a little chicken broth. Ahem. So we had my good old fashioned double bean burritos. That was yummy, and the family breathed a collective sigh of relief. They complain about my overuse of some Mexican food standbys: tortillas, ground beef, cheese, and enchilada sauce. But I think my recipes from the Good Housekeeping book circa 1972 are worse. Oh, I’m not done with it. I’ve got two cans of luncheon meat in the pantry just waiting for the Macaroni-Meat Bake, and a five pound Duck in the freezer for Hunter-Style Duckling. I know, you’re smacking your lips.

Medicinal Pickles

Remember those pickles I bottled in the summer? The really salty sour ones? Well, I started coming down with a sore throat last week. I gargled with my sour pickle juice all week, and I almost had this cold licked, but then I ran out. So I started using the commercial pickle juice, and wouldn’t you know it, the sore throat came back with a vengeance. By the time I accepted the fact that my remedy was superior, it was too late. So I’m nursing an incredibly sore throat, but I have hope that the next time I start getting one, I can confidently turn to my pickles for relief.

Hook, Line and Sucker

I shouted from upstairs on Saturday morning, “I had a dream I found a candy bar!” Then we got on with our day. In the early afternoon, I was walking down the hallway and there was a huge Snickers bar just lying on the ground at my feet. I shouted, “Hey! My dream came true!” I picked it up and started walking downstairs. That’s when “Bob” came out of his room and said, “Oh man, my string broke!” He was trying to get me! He heard me tell DH about my dream, and then hatched his plan. I had to call my sister and tell her about it, because I knew it would make her laugh. She said she would probably fall for that trick every time. It made my day, even though he didn’t actually give me the candy bar to keep.

You’re My Gyro, Dad

A couple weeks ago I took my dad on a date to the Midwest Museum of Art. They were having an exhibit called “In Search of Norman Rockwell’s America”, and my dad is an aficionado of Norman Rockwell. We had a lovely visit, and then stopped at King Gyro’s for lunch.

I love GYRO’s! That spicy lamb, that creamy bland yogurt, just a touch of tang and then sliced onions and tomatoes. Divine! We shared fries, drank Cokes and stuffed our faces. I commented that it was funny we had so much to say, then all of a sudden it was quiet. Because we were grubbin’!

A week later, I took Farley to my local King Gyros. I guess I was trying to recreate lunch with my dad, but it just wasn’t the same. The gyro was too salty, or the cucumber sauce was, or something. But I did eat every last bit and lick my fingers to boot, so I guess it wasn’t that bad!

Thank you, Dad, for treating me to Gyros and for being a Hero.

Ode to Tabasco

We bought a big bottle the other day. DH said his goal is to finish it by Christmas. I told him it would be gone long before then. We love Tabasco on hashbrowns and eggs of all kinds. You can’t beat a down home breakfast taco that has been sprinkled with Tabasco sauce. MMmm. DH also puts it in Chili, on Taco Salad, in bean soup, anything with cheese on it, and so on. This is how much we love Tabasco.

When Hurricane Katrina made landfall, we were at a meal. The Tabasco was on the table, and I happened to read the label of where it was made. We don’t have family in the South, at least, where Katrina hit. But I called Tabasco headquarters and got the recording stating that the employees were fine and their warehouses were fine. Whew. That was a close one.

Harvest Time

I finally got to the last batch of apples this past week. I made chunky applesauce and rosy applesauce.  Sit back, look at the jeweled jars of produce and feel a job well done. I am very grateful to a friend who hooked me up with an incredible deal on apples. 50 pounds for $5. Seriously. It was, regrettably, the only preserving I did this year, not counting my salty pickles and my piddly three pints of pizza sauce.

I loved getting my book out and dusting it off: Canning and Preserving by Linda Ferrari, published by Crescent books. I loved gathering my supplies, my jar lifter, my funnel, my magnetic lid grabber, my stock pot, my water bath and so on. It made me glad I saved all my jars and rings. I knew I was going to get back into canning. But all of this isn’t why I’m writing today.

I have, in my possession, an old ledger from my Grandma. It contains in her even hand, lists of expenses and incomes over the course of a couple years. It also has valuable birth dates and names of her children and siblings, but that’s another story. I love to look at this ledger.

1937     Mr. and Mrs. NJP

Aug. 28th Pay Check: 18.50                                  Wagonlanders     6.34

27th Cut Grass:       .50                                    gasoline                   .54

Gradolph               1.00

meat                1.00

Root Beer                 .05

church                    .20

cigar                     .05

Hair Cut                   .35

Isn’t it wonderful? I love it. I feel such a wonderful connection to my grandparents. They didn’t keep journals or letters. This is the only record of them I have besides their children’s memories. But the coolest thing I discovered is a few pages in:

Sept 24       pectin             .70

wax              .14

(sundries)

Sept 25          pectin            .45

peaches        1.50

jar rubbers          .10

can lids           .26

I feel close to my grandma. I knew exactly what she was doing.

Food For My Family

For years I took my little children to the grocery with me. Back when they were more portable and less prone to asking for things, I brought them along to Aldi and loaded up the shopping cart. I carefully followed my list and tallied the subtotal in my head. This was back in the day before the ubiquitous Debit card, and Aldi doesn’t take checks or credit cards. We used to be able to purchase groceries for a week for a family of four for 75 dollars. Wow! Anyway, loading up the cart, and then the trunk, and then unloading it into the house and kitchen, the refrain repeated in my head: Food for my family. I think the effort it took, lots of lifting, lots of straining and twisting and hefting and so on, brought to mind how much harder folks had to work  to provide for their families even a few years ago.

The work I have to do to bring home food for my family involves writing out a menu, a list, turning a key in the ignition, pushing a cart and saying ‘no’ to tagalongs.

My occasional foray into harder food prep also makes me appreciate the ease with which I nourish the people in my house. (Refer to Fish, Dear Readers, for a discussion on fish-gutting.) How wonderful it is to have refrigeration, and water that comes right into my kitchen. The working appliances and gadgets also make my life so much easier.

When we push away from the table, I like looking around at the empty or semi-empty plates. Another meal in the books. Another few hours of energy for us to do what we need to do. I feel a great sense of satisfaction when my meal has included a variety of items prepared by my own hands. I like being the one who cooks food for my family.

Desperate Snacks Call for Desperate Measuring

You know how it is. You’re out of candy bars, M&Ms, Donut Gems, Chocolatey Rice cereal, chocolate CHIPS, what do you do? Besides hop in the car and spend your well-earned money on your fix? Maybe you don’t have gas in the car, or cash in your wallet, or money in the bank, or sick kids at home or it’s Sunday. You Google, of course. You bake brownies from scratch. I don’t recommend this if you are ALSO out of milk. This recipe is great, because I NEVER have baking chocolate at home. If I did, I can bet someone in my house, (Dale) would eat it thinking it was the world’s largest candy bar.

¾ cup butter (170 g)
1+½ cup sugar (330 g)
2 teaspoon vanilla
3 eggs
¾ cup all-purpose flour (85 g)
½ cup cocoa powder (50 g)
1 teaspoon baking powder
a pinch of salt (optional)
3 oz (100 g) chopped pecans or walnuts (optional)

Method

1. Preheat oven to 350 deg F (Gas mark 4 or 180 deg C).
2. Line a 13 x 9 in (33 x 23 cm) cake tin with grease proof or other non-stick paper and grease the tin. Melt the butter.
3. Beat eggs with sugar, and add vanilla, flour, cocoa, baking powder, salt (optional) and melted butter.
4. Add chopped nuts.
5. Bake at 350 degrees until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean, approximately 20-30 minutes.
6. Cool the cake. Dust with powdered sugar or glace with your favorite chocolate frosting.

How about if you are craving something salty? And you have no microwave popcorn? Or Lay’s potato chips? Here are some of my favorite ‘desperate’ salty snacks; please don’t laugh. I’m a gourmet cook with red-neck tendencies.

Popcorn: you can’t beat kernels that you pop yourself in a heavy-bottomed pan with 1/3 cup of oil. Then you melt some margarine and douse your popcorn along with a liberal sprinkling of salt. If you only want a single serving, did you know you can pop kernels in your microwave in a regular old lunch sack? Awesome! Just put enough kernels to cover the bottom with a tablespoon of olive oil or canola oil. Fold down the top, and push your ‘popcorn’ button on the microwave. You should still hang around and listen, when the popping slows down, pull it out. Salt and butter to taste.

Cold hot dogs. You know those things are LOADED with sodium.

Pretzel sticks in cubes of cheese. This is practically a small meal. I have virtually no guilt about eating this one.

Cheesy Omelet or Scrambled Eggs: When we are scraping the bottom of the barrel, we almost always have an egg or two left and a lonely square of cheese in the back of the fridge. I like sauteing a little garlic and onion, then pouring the egg in, then adding the cheese when it’s almost done. If you have some salsa to go with it, this will cure your salt fix great. Oh, and a slice of toast too. And a glass of tomato juice. What the heck. This is like, fourth breakfast, or something.

Tomato Juice: Sprinkle with salt, and stir with a celery swizzle stick. Salty, and healthy. Unless you can’t do the sodium thing.

Salty Salad: Fresh salad, either the bagged kind, or iceberg that you (gasp!) cut up yourself. Add shredded cheese if you like, but a chopped tomato is really nice. Season with Lemon Pepper and roasted peanuts, and maybe a teaspoon of Ranch. You don’t really need the Ranch. The Lemon Pepper adds such a nice flavor to your greens.

Bread and Butter. It’s not salty, but if I can’t put my finger on what I’m craving, a slice of bread or toast with butter or margarine and maybe a hunk of cheese, will satisfy. Chase with a glass of milk, and you have a full tummy.

Now, back to chocolate cravings, or sweet cravings. For some reason, when I wake from an afternoon nap, I NEED sweet. If the kitchen is Stage Three, then I am not baking brownies from scratch, thank you very much. If there is absolutely no chocolate or cookies or anything like that in the house, then I will put a thick layer of peanut butter on white bread and eat it open-faced. Along with milk, this will take care of that sweet craving. Peanut butter on sliced apples, if you close your eyes when you eat them, ALMOST tastes like caramel apples. The funny thing is, I don’t really like peanut butter all that much. But I guess there’s enough fat and sweet in it to fool part of my brain.

Instant pudding can be a quick fix for a sweet craving. You just have to have plenty of milk on hand.

PB&J: same as above

Frosting on crackers. My family really digs this. I’ll play along and have a cracker with frosting. Then the next morning, when I discover that they have left the chocolate frosting on the counter instead of putting it back in the fridge, I get out a spoon and eat the rest of it plain. So sue me.

White sugar sprinkled on butter bread. Look, don’t tell anyone. This is just really sick, but when you want something sweet and doughy, well this does the trick.

Chocolate syrup stirred into milk.

That’s all I got. A lot of things I picked because it doesn’t involve a lot of work or groceries. That’s where the desperation comes in. Good luck with your desperate snacks.